Monday, December 26, 2005


Every year, it feels the same way after the holidays. I'm glad it's over. Isn't that terrible? Have I totally lost the meaning of the holiday, that I'm glad it's over? Now comes the disappointment, the dejected feeling. Did I make EVERYONE happy? Is my daughter deprived or did I show her enough how much I love her? Can she really see by getting her this gift or that gift that she is my world? Or is it just stuff to fill up her room? Maybe I'll never know. But at least, the rush is over. That knot in my chest should start to loosen, lessen, and eventually go away. I have a few gifts left to finish, but the stress of that seems very insignificant. I actually allowed myself to relax a bit on Friday, facing the realization that a few gifts were just not going to be finished in time, and allowed myself to enjoy my day off with my daughter. I wrapped all the gifts I needed to on Friday, and was pleased with myself for not having to leave the house until it was time for my family party. Saturday and Sunday were not as smooth. The morning was fine, my daughter (KDF-I choose not to post her name, there's creeps in this world) opened her gifts and seemed happy by all of them. But then on to the rush of other's houses, and KDF going with her dad to celebrate with his family. And getting up Sunday morning and basically doing it all over again with my fiance and his son. Again, did I do enough? Were they happy? I don't think so. And by the afternoon, I just ran out of steam. I had done enough, thought enough, planned enough and I couldn't do any more. I was all out. So, no salad for the dinner we were going to last night. No stores were open, and I arrived at my destination empty handed. What a let down. We stayed late, and I have to work today. Emotionally, I'm spent. I curled up on my couch last night wishing I could just stay there, for a day at the very least. But here I am at work today. No couch.
Now I have the joy of returning gifts that don't fit, exchanging gifts and the like. I'm thinking that can wait till tomorrow. The mood I'm in today, probably doesn't bode well for a trip to the mall, and for everyone else's sake, I'll just go home and be in my foul mood by myself-alone. It's for the best-really.
On a happier note-I did talk to KDF this morning and she sounds happy. That's good at least, knowing that she's ok, and I can go about my day without worrying about her-much.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

It's not terrible at all ... especially when you've put so much work and energy into presents and planning and so on. I'm glad that things did to well, and hope that you get a chance to relax some!
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